It’s not that you don’t care, it’s just that you don’t have TIME to care. In an ideal world, you’d be passionate about all sorts of worthy causes, but in the real world, there’s only so much of you to go around.
One way of clearing a whole lotta worry off your plate is to write yourself an “I no longer care about” list. On it, you put all those things that are just taking up space in your psyche when, in the broader scheme of things, you’re not that bothered.
Here’s an example from my own life: I no longer care about my daughter having screen time.
Until my daughter was about 2, she had almost zero screen time. I never sat her in front of a TV. Looking back, I might have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had. Nowadays, it’s not unusual to see her with her face stuck in a tablet, and I’ve decided I’m OK with that.
She still plays outside, I still take her to the playground and the library, I still read books to her and draw pictures with her, and I still talk to her.
I gave up the battle against the “evil screen” a long time ago. (After all, I’m glued to it half the time myself.)
And the truth is, it’s made my life a lot easier.
When it comes to kids especially, there are so many things we think we should care about – screen time, cooking all meals from scratch using organic ingredients, extracurricular activities, etc.
But there just isn’t enough time and energy to go around, so decide what’s TRULY important to you and learn to let the rest go. Pop them on your list as a reminder that you have higher priorities.
Here’s another one: I no longer care about being seen to be sociable.
I’m an introvert. I thrive when I’m alone. It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s just that I rest and rejuvenate best when I’m on my own.
I no longer care that, 99% of the time, I don’t go out at night, or meet friends for coffee, or go on play dates, or attend various groups.
I don’t care that I prefer to stay home. I don’t care that other people might see that as strange, or anti-social. I don’t care that others think I should be mixing more or getting out more.
I used to, but oh what a weight that was to carry.
Now I’m more worried about my own wellbeing than what others think I should be doing or how I should be acting.
My biggest concerns are for the health and happiness of myself and my family. After that, the rest can take a ticket.
Undoubtedly, there are things in your life that you spend time fussing about. Maybe it’s counting calories, or deciding what to wear. Maybe it’s screen time for the kids, or whether your neighbours would think less of you if you painted your door hot pink.
Instead of trying to balance everything, save yourself some time and frustration and just decide on the things that you’re not going to care about at all.
That doesn’t mean you’re a total monster who doesn’t give a damn about anything; rather, you’ve chosen your battles and, unfortunately, some catfights just didn’t make the cut.
When I stopped trying to be “the perfect mother”, I gave myself the space and energy to battle my post-natal depression. When I declared to the world that I was a happy little introvert, I was able to make my mental health a priority.
Decide what you don’t care about, write it on your list, and suddenly you’ll have a lot more time and attention to devote to the things you truly, deeply care about.
Fry the big fish, and let the smaller ones swim free.
What's one thing you could stop worrying about right now?